Jose Calvillo
Writing 2; 3pm
Dr. Emmerling
Abstract
Getting Rid of Glasses for Good
Lasik has become very popular over the past decade, mainly by young adults. But as they get older, many former Lasik patients start developing presbyopia. Presbyopia is the inability to read or focus close up. This inability makes most of them go back to wearing glasses again. However, the Irvine company Refractec Inc is studying whether conductive keratoplasty, a radio wave treatment for presbyopia, can be conducted to on people who have had Lasik. It is executed by using a probe, a string thinner than a strip of hair that releases radio frequency energy. The radio waves are applied to the cornea in a circular pattern to shrink small areas of the collagen, this brings near vision back to focus. In the study 22 out of 23 patients were able to read phone size prints and still maintain their distance vision. This study was presented at the Annual Academy of Ophthalmology in Chicago and the results were a positive. After this research went out to the public, more than 50% of former Lasik patients went on to doing the Keratoplasty. Being one of the safe and effective one can do for their eyes.
Key Terms:
-Lasik
-Keratoplasty
-Presbyopia
Writing 2; 3pm
Dr. Emmerling
Abstract
Getting Rid of Glasses for Good
Lasik has become very popular over the past decade, mainly by young adults. But as they get older, many former Lasik patients start developing presbyopia. Presbyopia is the inability to read or focus close up. This inability makes most of them go back to wearing glasses again. However, the Irvine company Refractec Inc is studying whether conductive keratoplasty, a radio wave treatment for presbyopia, can be conducted to on people who have had Lasik. It is executed by using a probe, a string thinner than a strip of hair that releases radio frequency energy. The radio waves are applied to the cornea in a circular pattern to shrink small areas of the collagen, this brings near vision back to focus. In the study 22 out of 23 patients were able to read phone size prints and still maintain their distance vision. This study was presented at the Annual Academy of Ophthalmology in Chicago and the results were a positive. After this research went out to the public, more than 50% of former Lasik patients went on to doing the Keratoplasty. Being one of the safe and effective one can do for their eyes.
Key Terms:
-Lasik
-Keratoplasty
-Presbyopia
posted by JCalv at 4:26 PM
25 Comments:
I thought your abstract was very good considering the fact that this is probably the first one you've ever written. I liked your topic a lot because Lasik is becoming very popular and I thought it was interesting to hear of how its shortcomings can be corrected. I thought it was good how you explained all of the scientific terms that most people are not familiar with so that any reader would be able to easily understand your abstract. The only problem i found with your abstract is that you have a few grammatical errors. Other than that I thought it was very good!
I like how you included the definition of presbyopia in your absract. From the few abstracts I have read, they provide the reader with some vocab terms like you did here. You provide a good amount of background information about how the medical process is executed. Lasik has become popular like you said and I know a couple of people that have had it done. I am not positive if I would follow through with it because, after all their your eyes and I would be scared something would go wrong. The abstract you have written sounds professional and once we learn how to format abstracts you will have a well-polished piece.
Jose ~
Lasik has indeed become very popular in society today and I have heard that there have been side effects and I enjoyed hearing about them. Your abstract is very good because you presented a lot of information in a compact space. I don't have any suggestions for improvement because I think it is very good.
hey jose,
good job dude, i mean ill be frank with you , i had no idea what i was doing, but you did a good job too. i like how you explain the terms, and how you keep it short but are able to briefly summarize the experiment. Overall, its really good. the only thing i would sugggest is that you look at your last sentence.. umm maybe you might want to rephrase or re word it a little because it kind of threw me off a little, but other that everything is else looks good.
eric
To: Jose
From: Steven Maltz
I really enjoyed reading your abstract because I never knew Lasik patients faced these problems. Overall, your abstract is good, but you do have some grammatical errors. You seem to be knowledgeable about Lasik and you use the proper scientific terms. You should definitely explain the procedure Presbyopia in depth because the procedure seems to be somewhat confusing. Moreover, make sure you include footnotes if you used information from a doctor or scientist in the article. The structure of your abstract looks good and I am sure your final draft will be a great success.
I think you did a good job on your abstract. I think you are suppose to give the info of the publication, where you found the article. other than that good job.
sincerely,
Erica Liu
Jose,
I think that you chose a very interesting topic to write about. I liked the fact that you defined words such as presbyopia and keratoplasty, which most people, including myself have no clue as to what the meanings are. By doing this you really help the reader understand and follow the piece much better. Assuming that this is your first attempt at writing an abstract I think you did very well.
Jeff Y
Jose,
The abstract's pretty good. There are a couple grammatial errors and incoherent sentences which you can easily fix if you read over it outloud to yourself.
Liz K.
Hey Jose,
I thought your abstract was great. I never knew any of this information and it really "opened my EYES!" Haha. Yeah, ohk bad joke. But, yeah your last sentence needs some work and other than that, i think your abstract is on the right track.
Tyler Watkins
This is a pretty professionally done abstract, by that I mean it sounds like it was published, so good job. The only thing I think that you need to do, besides basic editing, would be to mention where you got the statistics from, instead of just a "study."
Grammar is the key here. I have never ehard of that procedure so it must be very new. Carefull to rewrite this as more like an abstract rather than an advertisement, it actually does ahve that fell to it.
i think you chose a very good topic because, like eva said, lasik is a popular alternative these days. it is interesting to read, as well as informative. good job, just reread to find grammatical errors.
Your abstract is very good. Lasek is a good topic to do it on seeing that it is related to science. I'mot sure if you need ot define the terms in the abstract because thos reading it probably already know what the vocab means. You also have some grammatical errors that need fixing.
You have a good start on you abstract, and I felt that your abstract was very educational. I found one or two punctuation errors, but besides that, I dont think i was able to find anything else wrong with it.
_Clarissa E.
I thought your abstract is really good! I like how you broke everything down and explained in a straightforward manner. The only thing I would change would be the first sentence. I think it would sound better to use among than "by". Otherwise it looks good.
I found your abstract on lasik very interesting. The overall its a good topic, with good structure. The only problem I saw was with your last sentence. So just look over your paper for grammatical errors.
-Liz
Good job on your abstract. You took a subject that is extremely popular right now, and gave information that very few men and women know about, presbyopia. By informing the problem and the solution quickly, and also giving examples, you completed your abstract. The only problem was a few gramatical errors, but other than that good job
Dont get too detailed just yet, this is only an abstact. i like your topic and i like the factual numbers you throw out there to help put us in better context with the situation. I feel like you might want to mention something about contact lenses. You definetly have some grammer issues that are worth revisitng. all and all good job, and again interesting topic.
Jose-
I really enjoyed reading your abstract because I thought you choose a very interesting topic. I think it is helpful because it can help a lot of people and a lot of people can relate to it and have no idea about your topic. I think that you explained yourself very cleary in something that could have been very confusing so congrats!
Jose,
Good topic it is something people have gone through. You do a good job of presenting the scientific terms people might get confused on. Also your key terms at the end are good, just add footnotes and it looks good.
Carlos
I got nothing man. Your abstarct lets the reader understand what they are about to read and is clear and concise. In regards to you explaining presbyopia more, I'm not too sure. This is an abstract so going all essay like is not a good idea. Fix the grammar bits and all shall be good.
-betty
I like your topic a lot. Lasik is very popular now and it was interesting to read about. I think your abstract was very well done and explained everything it needed to. I would reword the end of it because it doesn't make much sense, but other than that good work.
I thought that your abstract is good. Your first term Laski didn't have a definition, but you did a very good job describing the other terms. When I read it, I kind of got lost because I was trying to think of what Laski means. I think that if you described the term, like you did with your other terms, the reader could follow your abstract like I was able to at the end. Other than that, you did a very good job.
I think your abtract was very good. I am not to familar with abtracts, but this looks good. THis is also a good topic to choose because more and more people are getting lasik surgery.
Hi: I was looking for information on cosmetic surgery and can upon your site. I'm working on a site about San Diego plastic surgery and looking for any good facts that I might be able to incorporate into my site to really provide an in-depth information source. After reading your Blog, I found it interesting, but, it wasn't what I was looking for. With that said, I must say I've enjoyed reading it. I bookmarked your blog for the future. Well I'm off again in search for plastic surgery information.
Post a Comment
<< Home