Lizeth Orozco
Writing 2 MW 3:00
Dr. Emmerling
Obstructive Sleep Apnea
Obstructive sleep apnea is when the soft palate at the base of the tongue relaxes to the point where the airway collapses. When the airway closes, the person sleeping stops breathing and must awaken in order to open the airway once again. Recent studies have shown that obstructive sleep apnea can lead to stroke and death. In a cohort study cunducted, patients underwent polysomnography. This is a test done in order to monitor respiratory effort. The diagnosis was based on an apnea-hypopnea index. An apnea-hypopnea index higher than 5 was considered severe. Among the patients enrolled, 68% had obstructive sleep apnea. The final results were that obstructive sleep apnea syndrome significantly increases the risk of stroke or death from any cause. It was also found to be independent from other risk factors. Although hypertension has also been known to lead to stroke and heart attack, there has been no connection found between obstructive sleep apnea and hypertension.
Article From New England Journal of Medicine
Writing 2 MW 3:00
Dr. Emmerling
Obstructive Sleep Apnea
Obstructive sleep apnea is when the soft palate at the base of the tongue relaxes to the point where the airway collapses. When the airway closes, the person sleeping stops breathing and must awaken in order to open the airway once again. Recent studies have shown that obstructive sleep apnea can lead to stroke and death. In a cohort study cunducted, patients underwent polysomnography. This is a test done in order to monitor respiratory effort. The diagnosis was based on an apnea-hypopnea index. An apnea-hypopnea index higher than 5 was considered severe. Among the patients enrolled, 68% had obstructive sleep apnea. The final results were that obstructive sleep apnea syndrome significantly increases the risk of stroke or death from any cause. It was also found to be independent from other risk factors. Although hypertension has also been known to lead to stroke and heart attack, there has been no connection found between obstructive sleep apnea and hypertension.
Article From New England Journal of Medicine
posted by Liz_O at 10:36 PM
24 Comments:
I thought your abstract was done very well. I thought it was good how you had exact percentages. I also liked how you used plenty of detail. You might want to add Key Terms at the bottom of your abstract and it also might help to explain what apnea-hypoapnea and hypertension are because I was a little confused on both of those. Other than that I thought your abstract was very good!
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Hey Lizeth,
Nice abstract. I agree that key terms would be nice, and I would also like to say that I really like how it flows. Good Job.
Tyler Watkins
I think this is a very good abstract. It is clear and organized fairly well. It flowed and I like the inclusion of definitions that you provided making it so the reader doesn't get lost in unfamiliar words. The topic is interesting and the use of percentages is very helpful especially if someone just wanted to scan this abstract and see what the results were. Good job!
Lizeth,
I really liked the abstract it was interesting and was organized well. You did a good job od explaing some terms that might get confusing. Just add some key terms that the reader should know when they read the article. Good job.
Carlos
To: Lizeth
From: Steven Maltz
You definitely seem to be knowledgeable about sleep apnea and you use correct scientific terms. Overall I thought your abstract was good, but it had a couple minor errors. It is somewhat choppy, so you should work on the sentence structure. I think you should combine some of your sentences rather then having a bunch of short ones. Additionally, there are a couple grammatical errors that I am sure you will fix when you proofread your piece. Moreover, your abstract has a little too much detail and you should work on trying to make it more general. I like your topic and I find it very interesting. Overall, you did a great job and I am sure your final copy will be a success.
Lizeth,
After reading your abstract it is evident that you did your research on the topic. You chose not to use the headings that we went over in class and that is perfectly fine. Your abstract flows nicely and I think you did a great job.
Jeff Y
This is a good abstact, it is easy to follow. However, I would suggest trying to use headings. This would make it even more clear. You may also want to include a list of key words at the end of the piece. Good luck on you final draft.
I personally like this style of abstract more then others. I feel like you have done a strong job just summarizing the whole article in your abstract as well as giving a kind of comprehensive introduction because you dont give away to much about the actual article. Dont forget to double check your grammar. good job overall.
This abstract was pretty professional, i must say, I actually was able to understand what you were talking about. You defined the terms you used and you set the paper up in a logical order, just check on some grammar and you should be fine. Good job.
Lizeth,
I agree with other when they say your abstract sounds professional. It sounds like you know your topic very well.
Liz K.
I really enjoyed reading your abstract. It shows that you have some kind of knoledge about the subject. Like the other, I agree that key terms would be nice. Overall great job.
Lizeth- I also agree that your abstract had a very professional tone to it. You made some basic surface mistakes such as bas not base in the first sentence and writing 68% instead of %68. Overall, I think it is very well written though once you edit it.
Carolyn Tallman
Dear Liz,
i thought your abstract was pretty good. i actually have one small suggestion, instead of defining what obstructive apenea is in the beginning, you could actually begin with "Recent studies have shown that obstructive sleep apnea can lead to stroke and death", and then give a brief definition of obstructive sleep apenea, just because like that you have your topic or the purpose of the experiment in the beginning and could help the abstract flow a little bit better, but overal i think its good, and good luck on your final draft.
eric
Hey good job! Your topic is extremely interesting. My only suggestion would be that you change the parts that sound like you are talking to someone instead of abstracting a journal. Just make it sound more scientific in the intro, other than that good job
I thought your abstract was very well writin. Other than the tips givin in class already, I think you have the right ideas. good start!
_clarissa e.
Your abstract is very good. I liked how the actual findings were in it. You dont have key terms or the headings, but i dont think you need them.
Although it's not necessary, I think your abstract would benefit from using the "headings technique". In my opinion it makes it easier to read and understand exactly what the experiment is about. I also think you should add some key words to the bottom to help people search for your abstract and know if the main article is what they are looking for. Other than those suggestions I think your abstract was very well written and excellent for a rough draft. Good work.
how about if you just can't sleep?
ok, I'll be serious. Your abstract is fine. It is simply missing a key component, key terms. With these key terms you shall get a fantastic grade, i gaurentee it!
matty matt matt
Lizeth,
Very good abstract. When I first read the title, I was like what in the world, but then I read the first sentence, and it answered my questions. In other words, what I am trying to say is that you did a very good job with defining the words that not many people would understand. Once again, good job on your abstract.
Your abstract was very well thought out and well written. I think you might want to split it up into the headings. This would make it more straight forward and easy to read. Good luck!
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