Tyler Watkins
Writing 2 3:00
Climate Friendly Emmerling
11-14-05
Editorial
Technology will play a huge role in the solution to global warming, but we cannot rely solely on it. In Tony Blair’s speech at the G8 summit of energy and environment ministers in
When developing new technology it could take decades in order to achieve anything. If you look over most of human history a lot of major inventions were all created during the World Wars. This was because the people who created those inventions all had deadlines. Without a big enough incentive, a lot of technology is slow to be created.
To curb climate change by changing technology over time is like throwing pebbles to dam the
While this has been attempted before in the Kyoto Protocol, only two major nations did not approve of it. Out of those two nations only one really mattered, the
The reason that companies do not want to fit scrubbers onto their exhaust outlets is because scrubbers are expensive. Republicans deem them so expensive that they would cripple our economy if we required every business to install them.
Many people do not realize the potential danger of global warming. It is not simply that you will have to wear shorts everyday instead of pants but rather will require many people to have to adapt to a new lifestyle. When the temperature rises the ice caps will start to melt. This will cause sea levels to rise and reduce the amount of useable land for humans; it will also put more water into the atmosphere. With more water into the atmosphere storms will become stronger. Scientists have already noticed a trend that storms are now stronger and more frequent than they were 30 years ago. Water is good at retaining heat and with it in the air the temperature will be on the rise. This rise of temperature will then help in the process of melting more ice, adding more water into the air and ocean. I also must comment on how only 1% of the water on Earth is freshwater and drinkable, and that most of it is located in the polar icecaps. When this happens, it will be the cost of converting saltwater to freshwater that will cripple our economy.
-Some more ideas, include them in editorial? Audience is BBC Newsreaders-
Habitat change
Speciese die out, unable to adapt.
Ex. Gas crisis in 19_ European car maker creates the first hybrid car. But fails to catch on because gas was cheap again.
posted by Squared at 4:58 PM
19 Comments:
From: Steven Maltz
Tyler, the topic of your editorial is very interesting but in the first couple paragraphs you make too many general statements. Your last paragraph is well worded and you make some good points about the possible effects of global warming. Moreover, you have some grammar errors, which is expected in a rough draft, but make sure you proofread your final draft. In addition, I think you use some wrong words to describe what you are trying to say. You should also describe what exactly the Kyoto Protocol is and what it asks different countries to do. Also, you should double-check your facts because some of them seem to be a little off. You need a concluding paragraph to illustrate your opinion about the situation. You should let your audience know how you feel about global warming rather then stating facts about it. Overall you have a good start to your editorial and I am sure your final draft will be a success.
Personally, I think that you have chosen an interesting topic to write about. But I think that you should support it with a little more facts. For example, you could say how long it would take for the polar icecaps to melt, and if so, if we are left with a Kevin Costner water world situation or if this is just an exaggeration. Also i think that you should edit the first paragraph to make it grammatically correct and sound better. Overall it was pretty interesting.
Kevin Klein
Tyler,
you choose an interesting topic that is very relevant to today's news. One thing I would suggest is that at the end of the editorial you tie it back into Blair's speech. I like the metaphor about the Mississippi. I think you should look deeper into the economic arguement. If we put to many restrictions on industry expansion will slow down too much.
Tyler, you have a pretty good editorial. I do have some suggestions though, I think you should be more opiniated about global warming. You state a lot of facts but lack a strong opinion. For example, state what the United States should do regarding the scrubbers, give some ideas about how they could be less expensive. Also state what the Kyoto Protocol, what does it do to countries. There are some grammar errors that can eassily be fixed with better revisio. well good job and good luck.
Tyler,
I loved the topic of your editorial! It was really intersting to read. A few suggestions: First of all, in the first paragraph sentences need to be changed around. Second, when you say "only one of the two nations mattered" it sounds kind of bad. You should say what the second country is and then explain why it isn't "imporant", but use a differnt word for "important". There are a few more word change suggestions that I will give you on your hard copy in class. Overall, it looks good and well put together.
I like the topic chosen for this editorial. It is very interesting and it seems as if you have an interest in it. However, you need to make sure that you have a strong opinion and that you present that opinion throughout the paper. I agree with Steven when he wrote that you need to have a conclusion at the end to tie your paper together. Overall, there are a few grammatical things that can be fixed, but it is a well written and interesting editorial.
Dear Tyler,
Overall, you chose a pretty good topic. Although there are some sugggestions i would like to give you. First of all i think it should be more opnionated, what do you think should be done? Second of all i definetly think you need a conclusion, something to basically tie everything all together, because the editorial just seems to end, and me as a reader i just felt there was something missing. And thirdly watch out for grammatical errors. But you're off to a great start and i am sure once you're done it'll be great
Sincerely,
Eric
This is a really great topic and i think that you had a lot of great information. I like how you created this editorial for BBC, a news source that is from another country. Since this is an op ed i think that you should put more of your opions into your editorial. You might also want to change the flow of your editorial its a little choppy in places. Other than that i think you did a great job.
Tyler,
I like the closing sentence. It really leaves the reader thinking about the issue. I think the others have mentioned this already, but this editorial is more factual than opinionated. It's kind of hard to input an argument about global warming, since it's detrimental to the whole world and everyone would agree with you. Perhaps you could elaborate your opinion on what countries and its governents are doing about global warming instead. Well, good luck.
Liz K.
I also think that youre article could use a little more strength in opinion. It sounds like you are highly educated in this topic and have been following it closely in the news. The sentence about what a scrubber is and that it is seen on scuba gear could be restructured. It is needed to inform the reader but just needs a slight touch-up. My overall comment would be to just have a stronger emotional connection to the subject you are talking about.
Tyler,
Your topic is very current but also involves the future which makes it very interesting. You need to add more facts abouts some of the areas some people might not know. Also add more of a stronger opinion that way your reader knows where you stand with the topic.
Carlos
Like everyone else i would agree that you need to put more of your opinion in there. I think its a very strong article in that you really know your stuff concerning these different issues, and its very well backed up with examples of these different conventions and protocols. I am glad that you picked such a strong topic as Global warming, which is highly controversial but since you back up you informatin so well, you sound like you really know what your talking about. Yeah, just personalize it more.
Tyler,
You have a good topic and good ideas, but I found myself rereading most of your sentences because I could not understand what they were saying. You should try to reword your sentences so that they read more clearly. Remember that everyone is not as knowledgeable on the topic of global warming as you are. Even if some sentences seem basic or boring because they explain what you consider to be obvious, these sentences are important because they allow your reader to be on the same page as you are and for your paper to logically lead your reader through your argument. Since your topic is interesting I think that it would improve your paper to add more details and examples to it. I also think that adding more examples would improve the power of you argument.
Jeff Y.
Hi Tyler:
I really liked your article. Especially the part you wrote about the potential danger of global waming. It looks like you have done your research well. You should check your grammar, but over all it was very good.
sincerely,
Erica Liu
I found your editorial very interesting and well written. I thought it was good that you chose your editorial to be on a topic that you are familiar and concerned with. I also thought it was very good that you explained the immediate dangers of global warming because they are not things with which the average American is very familiar with. One suggestion might be to make your opinion a little bit obvious to the reader so they can better understand the stance you are taking towards the issue. Other than that I think your editorial is very well written. Good luck!
I don't know a lot about Global Warming but it sounded like you knew what you were talkin about and I thought your article was very good. Without knowing much about the topic I can't comment on the accuracy of your facts but I liked the opinion part of your article and thought a little more opinion wouldn't hurt. In perticular I liked your metaphor about the Mississpi river, it was very creative. All in all i liked your article and I don't think it needs much work.
From CArolyn
Dear Tyler,
Overall I thought that you editorial was very well written. I really like how you had some much background information included in you paper to show that you had done your research and it made it seem much more professional. I think that in order to improve it, you could reword some of the sentences/paragraph structure in the first half. I do not know exactly how to reword it but the first three paragrahs are less clear then the rest of the paper. Also, add some sort of conclusion bringing the paper together as a whole.
Carolyn Tallman
From Matt M
tyler,
your editorial is on a good topic that you seem interested in, so it looks like a good start. but you do
not really come across as very opinionated in your paper, so it might be good to work in your personal ideas on the topic. also the second paragraph kind of deals in vague generalities, so you could add add evidence for the theory you put forth. it also would be good for you to work on your transitions between paragraphs.
from,
matt mirau
Tyler~
You need more emotion put into this editorial. It is very fact oriented and you don't show much opinion at all. Both of your first two paragraphs are very general but your last paragraph is great. Overall, it is a very good topic and I enjoyed learning more about it.
~::~Sabrina~::~
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